The Mechanics

Two young mechanics sat in lawn chairs outside the bay door of an auto shop on a country road. They had closed an hour prior and had seen no patrons in four. They shared cigarettes and split a six pack and a Friday could be a Monday or a Wednesday and a Saturday could be a Thursday or a Tuesday because what they did that day is what they did every day but Sunday. 

A smartcar had taken on a flat from a nail in the road by the shop and its driver noticed the sign. It read ‘MECHANIC’. Below, among other things: ‘TIRES’

“Well, what a lucky duck,” said the driver. He eased the car into the lot.

The two mechanics sat grinning in their chairs.

“What on God’s green earth do you s’pose that is, Dan?” said one of the mechanics. His shirt was tagged ‘Ricky’.

They both eyed the tiny car as it rolled flapping into a spot at the rear of the shop’s lot near the road.

“The shit?” said Dan. “Hell if I know, Ricky. “Looks like a squished can.” 

They laughed.

Ricky squinted at the car and began to count. 

“One. Two. Three – Well, hell, Dan.”

“What’s that?”

“It sure as shit does have four wheels,” said Ricky.

They both laughed and Dan leaned back in his chair to grab two more beers from the cooler behind. He opened them both and handed one to Ricky.

Dan drank and set the bottle between his legs.

 “So,” he said. “What your sayin’ is –”

“Don’t you say it,” said Ricky.

Dan raised his hand so as to finish. 

“What you said was that right there –”

 He pointed to the car.

“— that right there — “

“Don’t you say it, Dan.”

“That right there –” said Dan. 

“– is a car.”

“Goddammit,” said Ricky. He slapped his knee and leaned back smiling. “I reckon it is, Dan. I reckon it is. That little squished can is a car.”

“Dan, how far do you think I could punt that thing?” said Ricky. “I bet if I get the boot right I could get it plumb to the far side of the road.”

“I can’t deny it,” said Dan. “You’ve always had a foot.”

“I have indeed always had a foot,” said Ricky. “I have always had at least one foot.” 

He raised a finger so as to signal his point.

“But if I can punt it,” he said. “Then it sure as shit ain’t no car, is it?”

“It couldn’t be, Ricky. It just could not be,” said Dan.

A large man opened the driver’s side door of the smartcar and he lifted his left leg with his hands so as to remove it to the ground and then twisted his torso to build momentum and then unpinned his right leg and flung it out with the other; he leaned on the door against its usual direction so as to lift himself up, and, finally, he stood.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” said Ricky.

Dan rubbed his eyes and opened them wide.

“Dan – I am no science man but I believe we have witnessed the end of it all,” said Ricky.

“The end of what, now?” said Dan.

“The end of science, Dan. ‘Cus there aint no Einstein in the world could figure out how that fat man could fit inside that tiny, four-wheeled, two-doored doohickey,” said Ricky.

Dan tossed his head back laughing and slapped his knee over and over and then smacked Ricky’s shoulder and the two of them pulled it together as the man from the car came near.

“What can we do ya for,” Ricky said to the man. 

“Well, I’ve got a flat,” said the man.

Ricky bit his lip.

“I bet you do,” Dan said into his shoulder.

Ricky nudged Dan with his elbow.

“Sir, I have got to know,” said Ricky. “What do you call that thing?”

“What do you mean?” said the man.

“I mean – what is it?” 

“Why, it’s called a smartcar,” said the man. 

“Ricky’s eyes went searching heavenward and then fell back back at the man.

“A smartcar, you say?” he said. He was nodding.

“Yes, a smartcar. Can you fix my tire?”

“Let me ask you somethin’,” said Ricky.

“Okay,” said the man.

“Do you think that that there car — that right there –”

He pointed at the car.

“— is the smartest car —”

“— for you?”

The man turned red faced and tense.

“Cus —” said Ricky.

“Easy, Ricky,” said Dan.

“Cus that there is a tiny little car —”

“Ricky,” cautioned Dan.

“ — For such a bigassed man!” said Ricky.

The man swung at Ricky and the latter jumped back and the man fell to the ground with his momentum. 

Ricky looked down at the man

“Dan!” said Ricky.

“Yessir,” said Dan. 

“Let’s get this smartcar fixed right up.”

“Ten-four, yessir,” said Dan. “I’ll grab the jack.”

“Dan!” said Ricky. “Look at that car!”

“Yessir,” said Dan.

“We don’t need no jack,” said Ricky.

The man stood and brushed himself off and took a beer from the six pack and a cigarette from Dan and sat in one of the lawn chairs as the boys fixed the tire. When all was done he shook Dan’s hand and eyed Ricky and Ricky smiled and bid him well. The man drove away.

Ricky and Dan sat back in their chairs and each opened a beer and they shared a cigarette.

“What a damned day,” said Ricky.

“What a damned day,” said Dan.